The Hidden Enemy

[leopardless]

Thanks I had a weird experience with a rheumatologist yesterday.

He was talking to me about my fear of MTX.. and he was telling me all the positives. However, he made a derogatory remark about how others would view me as contagious...I know that is a reality. I said after thirty years I am kinda over that; indeed I am not! I was hurt a little and felt judged or that the doctor was repulsed by me. He also inferred that my PA would attack my ligament and tendons and that I would be crippled in time if I don't take MTX, and I better have insurance as it costs 25k annually to take PA drugs.
A bit devastating as my endocronoligist says don't take medications ,,,they kill you. so do I jump.. go out and drink and drug up...take a f-it- it all pill and have a full on blast... of self destruction...
Al t this point..I am not feeling sorry for myself.. I resent the amount of time I spend on doctor visits.. I could give sweet f- all right now about a blood test ,more pills and not I need pelvic MRI and possible new hip. will PA attack all my injured parts... if that is the case then I beet enjoy today...I dont want reanl failure..i just missed getting tumors in my kidneys.. from high levels of vitamin D. Drink or take meds ...you tell me.

Today?
I had a another appointment with a pain mgt doctor...and all of the patients ( as my dad said "the redneck rivera patients") stared at my spotted legs arms and my ghastly looking face.
I look like I have the measles. At one point I asked my dad why are people staring.. Okay I had a cane and back brace....I feel intruded when people stare...invasion of personal space...My family gave me a nick name as a teenager... f---alone.
Now I am adult wanting to be left the F---Alone.